Kris versus The Universe

If you’re going to be rorted (it’s inevitable), then you’ll want a 0-day rort. These are the best kind the Universe has to offer. A 0-day rort is one which is followed by an anti-rort within 24 hours. I’ve described a few of these in previous posts.

This 0-day rort comes from another faithful reader, and it’s worth the read:

“Dear Rorted,

“One fine Friday, I found myself flying back to Melbourne from Sydney after having enjoyed a couple of weeks’ worth of training that could be described as just shy of exhilarating. I fly Qantas because, as anyone who travels for business in Australia will attest, there’s really no other choice when you consider building status with an airline in the region. At any rate, I found my way into my seat, and settled in for the brief flight.

“I ordered “Lemon Chicken on Rice” - and a micro-bottle of Shiraz to go with it. (Yes, I chose Shiraz to compliment my chicken. If you’re looking for excellence in culinary match-making, try an international flight.) I poured my wine and began consuming the over-glorified excuse for a microwave dinner that lay before me. However, when I reached for a sip of wine, a small stream of Shiraz found its way down the opposing side of the cup and on to my pristine white shirt.

“I immediately discounted the idea that I had somehow let a bit of this substance slip out as I was sipping the glass. I do drool on occasion, but typically only during meetings with clients, and conference calls involving IBM.

“Upon further examination, I noticed that the glass that was passed to me by the “air hostess” had been cracked squarely down the back. Feverishly annoyed, I clicked the “call” button - which typically means that you could possibly get some attention prior to the pilot’s arrival announcement. A stewardess responded and after evaluating the situation, promptly provided me with “soda water” and some napkins so I could dab up the mess that had been gifted to me. “Great”, I thought, “this will never, ever work.” Sure enough - it didn’t.

“Frustrated further, I again clicked the attendant button. The same lady came back to check on me and said “oooh that’s too bad” and walked on. At this point, I was FUMING mad, but I had a feeling that the attendant was up to something. I decided to let it play out, and I finished my dinner.

“Just before landing, the attendant came back and handed me an envelope and a large bottle of wine. I opened the envelope to find 5 $20 vouchers and a note reading “Please accept our apology for the broken glass. We hope that you enjoy drinking this bottle more than wearing the other. Please find the attached $100 credit for Henry Bucks at the Melbourne airport.” I was beside myself. Qantas had not only admitted fault, but they immediately provided sufficient compensation AND threw in a bottle of 2003 Shiraz from Business Class to boot.

“On any given day, anyone will talk about how the service on Qantas is the worst in the region. On that day, and much to my surprise, they over delivered. Cheers to the flying bloody Kangaroo*.”

“* “Cheers” to the “flying bloody kangaroo” a.k.a Qantas only valid on Friday, November 30 2007 and on eligible flight with that airline’s flight number on my ticket. For eligible flight, see terms and conditions. For fare booking classes treated as Discount Economy and Full Economy, see the Airline Earning table at Qantas.com. Additional terms and conditions, which are conditional and subject to terms, apply.”

It seems as though not a lot has changed since I last reported on the fast food industry.

Last night at a family restaurant, a friend of mine ordered a drink. In the first instance, he discovered the drink was not actually what he had ordered. Simple enough - return the drink and get the proper one.

However, nothing prepared us for the value-add provided by the restaurant at the bottom of the replacement drink:

The drink was replaced… again…

In the spirit of the Office of Fair Trading’s Ripped Off? youth blog, this week’s rort comes from a faithful reader:

“Firstly, I would like to thank you for the high quality production you put out. Your stories never fail to make me feel better about my own fortunes.

“I am, however, emailing to ask your opinion of a recent situation I faced. I know you have publically spoken out against the use of advertisements plastered on automobiles before, however today I faced an interesting situation. Jammed up against my window was a card with the following offer:

FREE DVD, VIDEO OR TOY
While stocks last!!!
* Limit of 1 DVD, Video or Toy per person from selected stock
Restricted Premises must be over 18 years of age to enter

SUPPLIERS OF FINE EROTICA

“Given the nature of this offer, I would be keen to hear your thoughts. Would you class this as “rort”, or conversely good fortune.

“Look forward to your insightful reply,
“A fellow rortee”

Well, fellow rortee, this is truly a rort of another kind. It seems as though the Universe has extended its olive branch of pure-rort through your gut and into your inner man-soul. Do not be fooled. Beware of the strumpet.

This evening, the National Bingo Rort received national exposure by a rival television network’s current affairs program. With support from a “Numbers Expert”, it described the show as “TV’s Biggest Rort”.

Though you heard it first here, two weeks ago.

View the promo

The idea is simple. Three nationally televised games of Bingo during one time slot per week. It’s interactive too, with a home viewer promotion offering the chance to win up to $10,000. A comedic Indian official called ‘the commissioner’ seals the deal.

Then come the terms and conditions…

3. NOT A GAME OF BINGO
3.1 The Program is pre-recorded and therefore participants are not playing a game of ‘Bingo’ or ‘Housie’, rather participants are entering a trade promotion lottery (the ‘Competition’). The winning numbers are known by the Promoter before the Gamecards are printed and distributed or downloaded by a participant on the Internet.

I suppose “National Trade Promotion Lottery Night!” doesn’t quite have the same pizzazz.

Okay, so they’ve had to fudge the concept a bit to comply with state legislation around the country. But what they don’t mention is that they carefully construct the game cards to maximise the game’s suspense. I downloaded 3 game cards to test my theory. All Gamecards are 1 away from an instant win… the clever bastards.

As a consequence of chasing up a refund for a faulty arcade game, I reported that I took the opportunity to speak to the bar manager about both the Bundy and SuperDry taps constantly running dry.

I am now happy to report that our poisons of choice appear to be flowing rather plentifully, satisfying not only one round but the many rounds that followed.

Despite the fact that “Crowding, car parking, and delays and cancellations were all in the list of the five most poorly delivered aspects of service in both 2004 and 2005” and that nothing changed since the last fare increase in 2006, the Independent Pricing and Regulatory Tribunal of New South Wales (IPART) have released their Final Report and Determination on CityRail Fares with a decision that means “CityRail fares will increase by a weighted average of 5.9 per cent”.

So I get to pay double for an adult fare, relative to a student concession, and an additional $63 due to the fare increase or about $1135 per year for a lousy train ticket, assuming I don’t lose it and get fined an additional $200 for being human.

Identity theft is becoming more and more prevalent in today’s world - especially in this digital age where sensitive, personal information is so readily available via the Internet.

However, it appears as though these thieves are finding ways to con society in the physical world too.

The photos below are of two of my friends whom I thought were overseas…

Further to my previous success regarding faulty arcade game machines and their tendency to eat money without providing anything in return, I decided to take up my friend’s case where the manual gearbox of the Daytona game did not work causing any player to lag well behind the others playing the game.

I took the case to the only bar staff member on duty. He was a new worker at the time and after some argument he tried to ignore me. I got his name and wrote to the student organisation in charge of the premises (not expecting a satisfactory response, if any at all).

Two months later, I received a call from the bar manager who was straight to the point and immediately apologetic for the new worker’s actions, inviting me to collect the $2 refund from his office.

However, the most important part of all of this was the opportunity to voice my concerns, to the bar manager, about the severe lack of Bundy flowing on-tap at the bar. Several weeks in a row, the bar had been unable to supply the advertised rum claiming that it was out of stock. One staff member commented that if they were to purchase a new keg they would simply sell it all by tomorrow anyway. This was either an insight into the unique business model of a student organisation or some kind of sick joke.

The bar manager admitted to being aware of the shortfall and said he would look into a way to increase supply.

Today I spent the day at Oran Park Raceway with my Mazda SP23 to complete the Mazda Advanced Drive Program - a complementary driver education course for drivers of Mazda’s performance vehicles.

We started at 9AM with a meet and greet. The vast majority of drivers owned the Mazda3 MPS (190kW / 380Nm) with a handful of Mazda6 MPS owners (same power and torque as the Mazda3 but heavier) and SP23 owners (115kW / 203Nm). There was also a contingent of middle-aged MX-5 owners and 1 RX-8. With 4 groups of 8 in total, they paired the SP23 and Mazda6 MPS owners together.

First up for us was the slalom. We took our cars in and out of a line of witch’s hats at progressively faster speeds. It was interesting to see the car’s dynamics change with speed, and also find out just how well the car’s smarts prevent/correct under/over-steer; and how the car sticks to the road when abusing it like that. It was also interesting to get the feel of tail-braking and how weight transfer affects the dynamics of the car.

After this we were fed really well before sitting down for some theory - re-learning about the usual defensive driving techniques, the law and pre-driving checks. They gave us all a tire pressure gauge to check our pressure every week / fortnight.

Next we headed on over to a small circuit to practice our racing line. Eventually we got our cars up to a respectable speed here too. We were watching the Mazda3 MPS owners tackle the course beforehand, really thrashing the turbos. One bloke must have had too much oil in his engine because he was leaving a cloud of black/blue smoke behind him at every corner.

Then we took on the emergency braking course. It was laid out as a massive straight followed by a witch’s hat (where you were allowed to start moving your foot from the accelerator to the brake) and then a very confronting concrete barrier. :-/

The first lap was about getting the car up to 70km/h then hitting the brakes with full force. We got use to the ABS kicking in and having it do all the hard work. At that speed we were easily stopping within 25m which really surprised me. A demo at 40km/h showed us that we could stop within a car length if need be.

But what was more reassuring was the second exercise where we would get the car up to speed, hit the brakes then, while braking, try to steer the car into the next lane to avoid the obstruction. This was awesome and it was really good know that the car still leaves you with control, even when slamming the brakes coming from 90km/h.

We finished up with some happy laps where we got the chance to put the racing-line and cornering skills to the test. The MPS’s really ripped it up but I was trashing it the whole way through too. Power is a very good thing.

Overall, I covered approximately 65km at Oran Park and walked away at 4PM with a Mazda showbag consisting of a Zoom-Zoom cap, sunscreen, keyring, pen and candy!